Sharing With The World

On August 5, 2015, many of us watched as the video of Sam and Nia Rader took the internet by storm. Sam "stole" his wife's urine, performed a pregnancy test, and told her that she was pregnant. How often does the husband know beforehand? It was awesome, really, that he was brave and willing to do that.

Courtesy of KSL.com

Three days later they posted another video of their heartbreaking miscarriage announcement. Nia said that she had had no idea that women felt that way after a miscarriage. She said, "I just feel empty." I know because I've been there. And yet, there are many things I haven't experienced. I know several women who have adopted, women who have only a few children but wanted more and weren't able to, and women whose health was at risk who weren't able to try or even qualify for adoption.

Almost looks like a real person, doesn't it?

Thanks to the eruption of social media over the past decade, we can share in personal moments with people we've never met and connect with them in ways we never thought possible. It's the reason art is so important. It's one of the things that connects us. We're all people. We all know women, whether we are one or not. We understand that it's important to respect each other, whether we do or not. And we have all lost love and have experienced grief and despair.

But we've also experienced hope and joy. We counter our bad experiences with good. Hope in the creation of new life. Joy in the expansion of a family. Good in the people around us that we love, our family and friends. When we are grieving we need the understanding of others, and when we know someone who is grieving it is our job to be the understanding one. When we are happy we want others to be happy with us, and when others are happy we can join with them in celebrating.

Immortality Monument, by Michael Aaron Hall

Join us at https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/945510695/immortality-monument-for-alta-view-hospital. Every little bit helps!

One More Time

One the subject of not giving up.
Because I want to. But lately I have realized that I've let a lot of negativity into my life. Too much. I've become too self-degrading and too wrapped up in what a terrible failure I am. I don't know why. Yesterday, I decided to make a change.

This will be me. I have lots of things to improve on, but since this blog is dedicated to the Immortality statue, I'm going to talk about not losing hope that I can have more kids.

I just turned 35. You know, the age when doctors are now like, "You need to be more careful when you're pregnant," and a whole lot of other risks go up. I really do want another child. It just so happens that I'm not at a good place for that yet. It's a constant battle in my head. Part of me wants to throw caution to the wind and just go for it. The other is screaming, "What are you thinking?"

 

This is me on a good day, when I'm not kicking my mattress and cursing in the privacy of my bedroom. Besides, what if I get pregnant and I miscarry? I've had that problem twice already. Do I really want to put my body through that again? Through the morning sickness and discomfort and stretching and misshapen blobbiness?

 

The answer is, I do. I would go through that again. I thought about this while dropping my youngest off at school today. He's a handful. He makes me want to smack myself on occasion. But he's also this beautiful, soulful person and I missed him as he walked away. I wanted to cry. (Okay, I've wanted to cry about a lot of things lately) And what I realized is that even though I'm not ready right this minute to get pregnant, I don't want to give up yet. So I have a plan.

 

I'm going to eat healthy. I'm going to get in shape again so I can be at optimal health. I'm going to work really hard so we can get a car big enough to fit four kids into, plus my husband and I. I'm going to practice every day being kind so that I will be kinder to my children (and my husband). I will stare at myself every day for a few seconds like this (but not in this good of shape, mind you)...

Though it's near it's end, I'm still going to promote this Kickstarter project, because I'd like to post it again. I'm not giving up yet, and I encourage all of you to endure for the good things. Someday, it will be worth all the sacrifice.

Not What I Want To Hear

It's funny...

Well, not really, but I was just thinking that sometimes I think we have to go through bad things just so we can learn to empathize with each other. That, and maybe there is some other vast and beyond-our-reach plan that I may never know about. You know and I know that most of us are probably living completely - or at least somewhat - different lives than we originally planned we would when we were daydreaming our way through Biology in high school. I thought I would have six kids, live near my parents and send my husband off to work everyday.

WRONG.
First of all, I will admit that I'm not unhappy with the way life turned out. So I live an hour away from my parents - it's not that far (but far enough). And I only have three kids, but it feels like six. And my husband works out of his studio attached to our house. Those aren't the kinds of surprises I was thinking about. More like, I didn't plan on miscarrying twice. I didn't plan on having to have surgery two years ago. I didn't plan on being so stretched and scrapped for time (my own time) that I am, undecidedly, a little jealous of a portion of my mother's life (about five years from the time I was 12 to 17) when she could sit on the couch and fold laundry and watch a show. But now she's more like me, stretched and scrapped for time. We are two busy mothers.

My body sometimes seems like it's out of my control. I can barely drag myself out of bed in the morning to exercise before the kids wake up. In fact, I'm pretty sure I snoozed, like, five times this morning. My teeth are falling apart. I'm hungry all the time, and frankly, I like to snack on chocolate chips and cold cereal (sometimes together - you should try it). My kids have superb amounts of homework that even I complain about, and I'm pretty sure it's because my mind is finally going. Going, going, gone.

My point is, we all have gone through something horrible (probably). It has created an empathy in me that I never knew or thought would exist. I've dealt with enough that I don't judge anymore. Are you one of those moms whose kid screams through your entire grocery store visit and the only way to shut him up is to buy him a cheese stick so you do? Me too. Does he eat half of it before you can pay for it? Me too. And that's when I'm thinking, "You know what would be funny? If I left my wallet in the car." Because I probably did. You too? Welcome to the club.

Thanks to AlysonWhitaker.BlogSpot.com for the pic.

When I hear women talk about their indecision about having children, about all the horrible things that come with it and that make things hard, trying to pro and con the whole situation, I feel them. If you don't want to have a child, that's your choice. If you want to have ten, that's your choice. What's important is that we're not pushing our decisions on each other. If I had ten kids? Well, that never would have happened, but I'm pretty sure I'd be institutionalized. If I have none? I would probably feel a little empty. But that's me. Not you.  And if you want to have kids and can't? I'm so sorry. I will never know how that feels. If you want to be a surrogate mother? That's amazing. I couldn't do it. I'm too selfish. Sorry. But I probably know some people who would. Totally tough women.

Again, I want to point to the Kickstarter program for the Immortality monument. This is important to me. It's what I want to share with the world, what I hope for it; that we can all become empathetic of each other, that we can understand each other, and that we can show the world that we are strong, courageous, and amazing. Visit and/or donate at https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/945510695/immortality.

The Immortality Monument

...And Why It's Important To Me

Promoting myself isn’t something that I’ve ever been comfortable doing, and even though this isn’t entirely about me, in a small way it is. I’m promoting something beautiful, thought provoking and life changing, and it has to do with all women.

 

Immortality is a statue that Michael Aaron Hall created while exploring the decisions women make regarding childbirth. This is a subject I feel strongly about, especially since I’ve experienced so many different emotions regarding pregnancy, childbirth, and loss.


Immortality, by Michael Aaron Hall

From everything I’d been told growing up, pregnancy was a magical feeling, wonderful and precious. I didn’t understand the dark side of pregnancy; the throwing up, the constant ache, and the incredible depression you may get postpartum.

At eight and a half months pregnant I was swollen and huge and I didn’t feel pretty at all. I had morning sickness with all five of my pregnancies, one so bad that I had to go to the hospital to be re-hydrated. My last pregnancy was uncomfortable almost all of the time. I felt ugly and enormous, and yet, I don’t really want to be finished. I would like another child. I’m on the fence.

 

Immortality, patina work at foundry

I lost two pregnancies between my second and third child. It was hard. It was difficult. And for one of them I wasn’t at home when it happened. I felt alone and so unexpectedly sad that I was afraid for myself. I didn’t think my odds of miscarriage were very good since my own mother never had one, but I dealt with two of them. Do you really think I was ready to jump into pregnancy again after miscarrying a second time?

Art was one of the best therapies I had. I’m lucky to be married to an artist. I would sit and watch my husband create these beautiful figures, and somehow that helped me get through my grief. It gave me hope for myself and others, and I want to share the empathy and compassion this sculpture has to offer.


Immortality in clay

What are we, as women, facing in today’s pressured world? Do we have time for children? Will we be able tot adopt if we want to? Are we going to be able to support them once they get here? There are so many factors now, things I never thought about or took into consideration before getting pregnant with my first child. And although things usually seem to work out in the end, there’s always that nagging fear that they won’t.

There are different reasons we want or don’t want to have children. I have a strong relationship with my husband, and I know that when we have a child that we are both in it together. We know what it takes – the restless nights, the constant diaper changes, and the sacrifice of most of our free time. We may not understand what others are going through in their lives and circumstances, but this is our opportunity to try.




Immortality, close up view

Immortality will be a life-size sculpture in bronze. The first step in this process is to get the piece created. We are looking at several different places that would be a possible home for the sculpture. Personally I would like to see it at a hospital or women’s center. If you have any thoughts or ideas about the statue itself or where you would like to see something like this located, share them with us.

Thank you for stopping by and reading, and if you feel as impassioned by this as I do, feel free to share our link at Kickstarter (https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/945510695/immortality).